


To Have and To Hold

by cadkitten



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Clothed Sex, Confessions, Fear, Fix-It, Frottage, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 22:09:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17312738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: It wasn't all that often that someone came by Keith's room; when they did, it was usually Lance. Lance trying to drag him on some journey that would end in both of them getting berated or lamenting about his latest failure to win Allura over. Sometimes it was even just him needing to sit somewhere where he wasn't alone. Keith understood that. He could never bring himself to seek out others when he felt that way, but he understood the desire. So when he opened his door in the middle of the night, he had to admit he was surprised to find Shiro on the other side.





	To Have and To Hold

**Author's Note:**

> Jan 5 "Free Day" for @SheithNewYear   
> Beta: kate1zena

It wasn't all that often that someone came by Keith's room; when they did, it was usually Lance. Lance trying to drag him on some journey that would end in both of them getting berated or lamenting about his latest failure to win Allura over. Sometimes it was even just him needing to sit somewhere where he wasn't alone. Keith understood that. He could never bring himself to seek out others when he felt that way, but he understood the desire.

So when he opened his door in the middle of the night, he had to admit he was surprised to find Shiro on the other side. For half a second, Keith let himself imagine some fairy tale meeting where Shiro said all the things Keith had ever wanted to hear, where he let him and they would see one another every night thereafter. He clutched the fantasy of it close for a single instant and then released it in the next breath. He took a hesitant step back and swept his arm in toward the room, a quiet, "Come in?" nearly lost on the air between them.

The line of Shiro's shoulders was all wrong. The way he held himself was off and Keith's breath stuck in his throat as his instincts took over instead of his wishful mind. His body prepped for a fight, for this to not be his Shiro either. He prepared for all the pain that would come with that.

"Shiro?"

Keith watched his head bow, the hitch of his breath as he inhaled, and the shiver just behind it. Shiro leaned against the wall, crossing his arms, and looking anywhere but at Keith. He tried to look casual; to anyone else, it would have worked. Had he been anyone else, perhaps he would have forgotten what he'd just seen in favor of the image presented to him now. But Keith had learned his lesson once and he didn't need to learn it all over again. Not here, not now, and certainly not with Shiro.

"Talk to me."

God how he hoped that it would be talking. He wasn't sure he could deal with having to beat the shit out of Shiro again. Sure, the last one hadn't _really_ been him, but it had felt like it to Keith. Every moment, every conversation, every wordless confession. He'd felt them all like slashing wounds to his chest when he'd fought and he felt them still in the way this Shiro's eyes never held any of it. It was like losing and finding the one person that meant the most in his life all at once. 

He tamped down on his emotions as much as he could when Shiro deflated against the wall and clutched his arms tighter around himself. He looked so _uncertain_ and Keith was certain this wasn't a look he ever wanted to see on Shiro again.

"You said you _loved me_."

Fear lanced through Keith, stealing his breath away, leaving his body tingling and his senses on high alert. _This_ Shiro wasn't supposed to remember that. He most certainly wasn't supposed to be here addressing it, and definitely not while looking like he'd been run through the emotional wringer. 

Keith's fists clenched at his sides. "So what if I did." It wasn't a question, didn't need to be as far as he was concerned. His emotions weren't a playground.

"I've been remembering things..." Shiro's voice was careful, treading very lightly on what was incredibly volatile territory. "I don't know how, but I am."

Keith gritted his teeth until he could _hear_ it, only releasing his jaw for fear that he'd break a tooth. Instead, he chose to glare at the wall beside Shiro's head. "I'm happy for you. Did you need something?" His voice was like ice. He knew it gave away as much as it refused to tell and it upset him somewhere deep inside that this visit could only mean one thing. The discomfort, the inability to address this head on: it all meant Shiro knew what Keith had meant when he'd said he loved him. It meant he was about to lose his best friend and it hurt so much more than he'd ever imagined.

When Shiro didn't answer, Keith finally glanced at him, his face carefully devoid of feeling, his fists relaxed at his sides, and his feelings carefully draining into a bottle he'd cork and store away for _never_ soon enough. He expected hatred, maybe even disgust. What he didn't expect was the intensity of the _pain_ in Shiro's eyes. 

"I tried to kill you. I _hurt_ you," his hand reached for Keith, toward the scar, and it was only years of training himself not to flinch away from other people that kept Keith still long enough for Shiro's fingertips to ghost over the scar. 

"It wasn't you." Keith took a step back, crossed his arms and went back to glowering at anything that wasn't Shiro. "All is forgiven so stop beating yourself up over it." His jaw worked harshly before unclenching. "Look, I was about to go to bed, so seriously, did you need something?"

"You and he-"

"Don't!" Panic welled up in Keith's chest, burning white hot in its agony. "Do _not_ do this to me!" He released his arms from around his chest and clenched his fists again, ready to beat a hole in the wall if he needed to just to calm down. Nothing in the entire world made him want to discuss just how close he and _not_ Shiro had gotten. How much he'd failed to see the differences. Just how many times he'd been _so close_ and how he'd just let himself _hope_. He'd let his love overshadow the truth and he hated himself for it enough already, he didn't need Shiro adding to it. 

He gestured at the door. "I think you should go."

He could sense the stubborn streak in Shiro rising up before he ever spoke and it was only a vague surprise when instead of leaving, Shiro took a step away from the wall, moved closer to him, left Keith feeling trapped, helpless, despite the fact that he wasn't. 

"I think we _need_ to talk this out."

"And I think you should just leave what _you_ didn't do out of it," Keith bit back, his eyes hard as he jerked his chin up to stare at Shiro. "His actions are not your own, even if you are getting his memories somehow."

"You're angry and you feel like he used you, but-"

"I won't ask you again." Anger flared up to a burning inferno in Keith's mind. His breath stuck like lead in his throat. " _Stop_."

Shiro made a frustrated noise and a second later, he was _there_ , right up in Keith's space, one hand on his shoulder, the other in his hair, and then his lips were searing against Keith's own.

Keith choked on half a sob. It felt like he was being wrenched in two. He wanted this more than anything he'd ever wanted in his entire life, but the other part of him told him he'd been burned so badly already and it just wasn't worth the risk of being burned again. He wanted to kiss him back, wanted to eat him alive. He wanted him _back_ , but the truth was he'd never had him to start with.

He pushed until Shiro broke the kiss and took a step back and Keith stood there trembling, crying tears that never manifested, his heart breaking and his world collapsing. "You have no obligation for the things he did. His feelings aren't yours and you can trust me to compartmentalize it, okay? Just... God, don't do this to me. I can't-" he cut himself off, tipping his head back and swallowing thickly. "I _can't_."

Shiro was silent long enough Keith wanted to look and be sure he was even still there, but he didn't. He just waited it out until Shiro finally sighed. "I don't have any proof for you, I never wrote a word of what I felt down. I _couldn't_ Keith. Think about how it would have looked." He sighed and Keith honestly felt the burden of it in the sound. "It'd have looked like favoritism if I'd chosen you for anything, would have been _so bad_ for your career. But you have to believe me when I tell you _he_ used what was already there. The things I already felt, the connection we already had. He... you..." Shiro's breath was unsteady and it was only that fact that had Keith looking up at him when he whispered, "He had what I wanted to have with you."

For a single fragile second in time Keith couldn't breathe, couldn't _think_ , and then it felt like relief. He took two shaky steps back and sank down onto the foot of his bed, bowed his head to stare at his trembling hands. "Say it."

"I've loved you for a long time, Keith."

Keith swallowed thickly, tipped his head back and breathed out a quiet little sigh. "You know... he never-"

"Never told you in return, I know."

Keith closed his eyes, took in a shuddering breath, and shook his head. "This is insane. I have to be dreaming."

"If you are, then so am I." Shiro's voice was closer than it had been and when Keith opened his eyes, Shiro was in front of him, overwhelmingly taller than Keith now that he was sitting. He looked up and up and _up_ until he found those piercing eyes, the hesitant smile, the way Shiro's entire being radiated the desire to be believed. 

Keith wet his lips, tasted where Shiro had been minutes ago, and then reached up with a whisper of, "Just how many memories have you gotten back?"

Shiro's lips met his own, tasted and parted, dipped to taste again and then his tongue lightly traced over his lower lip before his question earned him a low chuckle. "I didn't think a lot of them were memories to start with. I thought they were _fantasies_."

He didn't bother to keep the moan that wanted out tucked away inside himself. He met Shiro's next kiss with ferocity he was certain Shiro wouldn't expect, heard the surprised gasp and the way his fingers tightened in Keith's shirt. He spread his knees and tugged, slowly sliding back as he pulled Shiro with him until they were stretched out on the bed, Shiro trapped between his legs, Keith's body arching up to meet the one he'd needed for so long.

Keith whined and Shiro's hands moved to grasp his hips, holding him tight as their bodies met, a slow grind that turned Keith to molten lava. He threw back his head and issued a sharp cry. His cock responded instantly, plumping in his pants, leaving him feeling tingly in a whole other way. His toes curled in the bedsheets as Shiro rocked against him, their mouths greedy against one another. 

Keith pulled away from the kiss, clutched onto Shiro's shoulders, arching up hard against him, rocking his hips to garner the friction he so desperately needed. "Tell me the best one."

Shiro's lips traced over his jaw, teeth grazing lightly. "He... I... was riding you."

Keith let out a cry he wasn't entirely certain he'd ever heard himself make before. It was needy, inhuman, and it left him shaken with how _deep_ it felt.

Shiro's mouth found his Adam's apple, pressed kiss after kiss there until he moved on, kissing along the column of his neck, his hands slipping under Keith's ass, holding on as he began to jerk his hips. Keith dug his hands into the fabric of Shiro's shirt, whimpering quietly. "I need-"

"I know... do it for me."

Keith arched, gasped, and then he was spilling himself, each warm pulse of his cum filling his pants with every thrust of Shiro's hips against his own. He panted and trembled, clung to Shiro and prayed fervently that Shiro would follow him. 

"You're-"

"Yes!"

Shiro groaned against his neck, his body jerking harshly against him a half dozen times before he stilled and then huffed out an excited sound against Keith's neck, his hips snapping forward. Keith could _feel_ the throb of Shiro's cock against his hip, the dampness that meant he'd joined Keith in his end. 

Biting his lip, Keith stared up at the ceiling, wondering if he was losing his mind, letting this happen out of nowhere. A smaller, more comforting voice, told him he was only doing what anyone would in his situation. Given the opportunity to love the man he'd fallen so hard for once again. Provided the instant to be with him like this, yet again... he'd have to be insane not to take it. 

He closed his eyes and he held on and he hoped against hope that he wasn't making the biggest mistake of his life. 

Shiro's breath whispered against his neck, alongside his jaw again and just before their lips touched, he heard the sweetest whisper of the words he'd wanted to hear for so very long.

"I love you."


End file.
